I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone shattered a urinal.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
