eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize