anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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