she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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