Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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