woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
