For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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