I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize