this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
