I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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