i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
