maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
