Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.