There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...