Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
