I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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