And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
