I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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