i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
