Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.

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  (626): and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name. http://tfl.nu/n8x4
  Replies (13) Good night (2876) Bad night (797)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I find this completely acceptable.

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  (903): Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework? (321): I find this completely acceptable. http://tfl.nu/32xm
  Replies (27) Good night (5682) Bad night (983)
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  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

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  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8949) Bad night (1501)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.

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  (813): His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up. http://tfl.nu/dgzw
  Replies (35) Good night (1579) Bad night (4450)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.

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  (409): There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit. http://tfl.nu/49qn
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (2637)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.

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  (763): I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts. http://tfl.nu/j2dd
  Replies (3) Good night (1040) Bad night (2657)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call

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  (830): I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call http://tfl.nu/cgsl
  Replies (12) Good night (1019) Bad night (2591)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.

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  (316): I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction. http://tfl.nu/n8tp
  Replies (3) Good night (701) Bad night (1453)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra

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  (260): I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra http://tfl.nu/100u
  Replies (7) Good night (1406) Bad night (1126)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.

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  (334): seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before. http://tfl.nu/yzzl
  Replies (7) Good night (1239) Bad night (1039)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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  (443): There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut? http://tfl.nu/irwu
  Replies (3) Good night (401) Bad night (740)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle

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  (561): I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle http://tfl.nu/mlt6
  Replies (4) Good night (514) Bad night (855)
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  (722): View more from

  It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush

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  (722): It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush http://tfl.nu/4mo5
  Replies (4) Good night (444) Bad night (931)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.

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  (330): I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why. http://tfl.nu/4y6b
  Replies (3) Good night (1062) Bad night (351)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.

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  (618): The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there. http://tfl.nu/mol4
  Replies (1) Good night (207) Bad night (168)

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