He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
