you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
