you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
