she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
