Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
