I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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