my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
