the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
