hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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