"it" just moved
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
