my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
