i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
smell my finger.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
