i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
