i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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