ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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