I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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