Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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