I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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