I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
