I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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