I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
