____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
