Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
