I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
