did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
