I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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