At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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