I got chris browned last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
