sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
should my penis look like a turkey
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
