drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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