god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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