bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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