its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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