So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
