I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
