Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
