I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
