You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your penis caused this!
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