So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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