Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it. http://tfl.nu/u417
  Replies (5) Good night (1800) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv
  Replies (12) Good night (1208) Bad night (4702)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk
  Replies (13) Good night (5703) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning http://tfl.nu/rq6u
  Replies (16) Good night (3924) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3524) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing. http://tfl.nu/zggy
  Replies (5) Good night (2075) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that http://tfl.nu/fcdo
  Replies (8) Good night (525) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds" http://tfl.nu/wwid
  Replies (14) Good night (849) Bad night (1907)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer. http://tfl.nu/mbe5
  Replies (5) Good night (1572) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night http://tfl.nu/ov8q
  Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits http://tfl.nu/tp61
  Replies (5) Good night (522) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom. http://tfl.nu/byxb
  Replies (10) Good night (885) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough? http://tfl.nu/xi1b
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout http://tfl.nu/4b12
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla http://tfl.nu/8bae
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (191)

Randomize