I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk