Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.