My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.