You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm too high and old for this...