My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
