ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
