You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
