i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
