The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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