This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
