nutella sex= disaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
