I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize