yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
