just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
