Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
