So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
