No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Who died my cat blue again?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
