He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
