he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
