the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
