Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
