I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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