This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
