the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
