When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
