his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need a hoe opinion
go on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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