So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
