oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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